Having Trouble Saying "No"?

Have you ever had trouble saying "No" when asked to do something?

A lot of people do. They are obsessed with saying "Yes" to everything they are asked to do.

So, why do people hate saying "No"?

The main reason is they don't want to offend the other person. They want this person to think highly of them and to like them.

The problem is, always saying "Yes" produces some hardship. It means the person saying "yes" seldom gets to do what they want. This, in turn, produces a feeling of frustration.

On the other hand, some people say "No" bluntly and have little concern or feeling for the other person.

There is middle ground.

When asked to do something you don't want to do or can't do, respond by saying " I'm sorry, I am unable to do it today, because .... However, I am able to do it tomorrow (or at a time that suits)".

For example, when asked to baby-sit a friend's children, "I'm unable to do it tonight because we are going out to a 21st birthday party. However, I can do it tomorrow evening or at the weekend."

This shows your friend that you are willing to baby-sit. It's just the time doesn't suit. A blunt "No, I can't" is interpreted as you are not willing to help out - ever!

Think of when you ask someone to do something and they say "No, I can't". You seldom feel like asking them again. (In some circumstances, you may feel that is good!!)

Quite often, the person asking you will not be happy with you saying you are unable to help them out tonight and continue to place pressure on you to say "Yes". And they will know from past experience, if they hassle you long enough, you will eventually give in and say "Yes".

When this occurs, repeat the above and offer them names of others who may be able to help out. For example, "I'm unable to do it tonight because we are going out to a 21st birthday party. Give Joan, Maddie or Simone a call and see if they can help you out for tonight".

This shows you are doing your best to help.

If you have been a "Yes" person for a long time, the person asking you to baby-sit may begin to put the "guilts" on you by saying "You don't care about me missing out on this function" or "You're really selfish".

Both are manipulating statements issued to coerce you into doing what they want.

If they don't accept your reason and continue to make you feel guilty, who is the selfish one?

They are, because they are only thinking about themselves and have no consideration for you and what you would like to do. You, on the other hand, are considering both yourself and them.

It's not your problem they are unable to get a babysitter. Your position is to help, if possible. If one of their children needed to go to the emergency ward at the hospital, you may deem this to be more important than the 21st birthday and decide to help them out.

Learn to be strong and say "No" where applicable.

You are entitled to a life, too.