Get to Know Yourself

In my last newsletter, I wrote about how words reveal what you and others are thinking. If you missed it, you can read it here - "Words That Reveal What You Think".

When I ask clients to list their good traits, they often say:

"I suppose I'm a kind person".
"I think I'm a good worker".
"I believe I'm good to others".

What's wrong with these descriptions?

There are two major problems.

I covered one problem in the last newsletter - being the 2nd word in each sentence.

Can you spot the second problem?

The description is vague.

When people say "I'm a good person", I ask "In what way?"

They mostly respond with "I don't know! I just am".

This means they have come up with a good meaning word ("good") to describe themselves but have no idea what that word means.

Result: they are trying to convince themselves they are a good person.

It's easy to say "I'm a good person" or "I'm a good worker" and it will most likely impress others. Problem is, by impressing others, they are trying to impress themselves.

This also applies when clients describe what they love about their partner in a relationship.

When asked what they like, the common response is "They're great".

"I don't know what you mean by ‘great'. Can you please define it?"

"Umm. You know. They're really nice".

It's important to know - specifically - why they are nice.

Action Plan

Define what a "good person", a "good worker" or a "kind person" is.

What are their traits? Be very specific.

Once you know your definition of a "good person", then the statement "I am a good person" means everything to you.

Here's some homework:

1. What sort of person are you? How would you describe yourself?

2. What are your good traits? Make a list.

I'll cover how to be a great person in the next newsletter.

Good luck.

Words That Reveal What You Think

One of the questions I ask many of my clients is:

"What are your good points?"

While the most common response is "Oh, I don't know. I haven't got many", some do come up with a few.

What I notice is how they describe themselves.

"I suppose I'm a kind person".
"I think I'm a good worker".
"I believe I'm good to others".

What's wrong with these descriptions?

There are two major problems. I'll cover one now and one in the next newsletter.

The first problem is the 2nd word to each sentence.

Here are four words:

Hope
Think
Believe
Know

... And you can place "Suppose" up the top there.

Of the above four words, which one is the most important?

Let me give you an example. Imagine I owe you $5,000. Which statement would you prefer to hear?

"I hope I can pay you back"
"I think I can pay you back"
"I believe I can pay you back"
"I know I can pay you back"

Obviously, the last one.

It is definite, certain. The higher we go up the list, the more uncertain things become. "I hope I can pay you back" is very uncertain whereas "I think I can pay you back" is more certain.

What you say describes what you are thinking.

"I think I'm a good person" reveals you are very uncertain about this. "I know I'm a good person" is total certainty.

The same applies to when you, or another person, says things like "I think I can do it", "I hope I can make that appointment" and "I believe that's right".

Action Plan

Become aware of when you use hope, think, believe and know. Change what you say to "I know ..." or to making a statement that involves certainty.

If someone else is using uncertain words, ask them what part they are unsure of or what has to happen for it to become certain. For example, when someone says "I think I can do it", you know they are very doubtful. To overcome this, you may like to ask "What part are you unsure of?" to gain some clarity.

Good luck and let us know your thoughts.