Who Makes You Happy?

A well known quote by Abraham Lincoln:

"People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Re-written, this says "You are as happy as you decide to be".

When I say this at a seminar, I often get one or two people saying "That's not true". They will back this statement up with "It might be true for you because you work in this area" and "You haven't been through what I've been through". I then ask them what they have been through and I hear about a life that is full of negative experiences.

The fact is, everyone goes through a bad life experience. I consult with people every day who have suffered in some way. I get to hear a lot of life stories - some of which are very gruesome and sad.

My role is to help them deal with this.

In my last newsletter (read it here), I wrote about how things went wrong for us in January and how we dealt with those experiences in a positive way.

Happiness is created by a decision. A decision made by you.

You have a choice as to how and what you think. The problem is, most people do not think about it. They accept whatever enters their mind instead of taking control for what they would like to be thinking.

If you want to be happy, create happy thoughts and do the things that make you happy. If you are doing something that makes you unhappy, either change what you are doing or change your attitude to it.

If you have been through some traumatic experience, learn how to deal with it. How can you make that experience work for you, how can you come out of it better off, what can you learn from that experience to make you a better person?

Just before I got into the self development area, I was rejected out of a relationship by a lady who said the previous week that she loved me dearly. The emotional pain I suffered was so great I was admitted to hospital with chest pains. I made the decision I never wanted to go through that experience again and so began my quest to find a better life.

Twenty-one years later I am now married to the most wonderful lady (Julie) and life is great. I have turned it around through studying the human mind, taking control of how I feel and resolving my past conflicts.

Just as I have created happiness in my life, so too can you. Just as my clients do it, so too can you.

There are thousands of books, cd's, dvd's and seminars showing you how to achieve happiness.

The thing to remember is: You are as happy as you decide to be.

How happy do you want to be? You do have a choice.

If you would like any help in this area, please feel free to contact us.

When a Loved One Dies

In the last newsletter, I covered the choices you have when some thing goes wrong. You can either:

1. Change the event, or
   
2. Change your attitude to the event.

While this may be easy for some events, it is more difficult for others. One of the hardest things to deal with is the death of a loved one. This may be a family member, a friend, a famous person or it may be a pet (many people get very attached to them).

Death is something that affects every person. The loss of a loved one one can leave people feeling devastated and depressed. They can have disbelief and denial that their friend has died. This is often followed by anger and eventually acceptance. Some grieve for months while others grieve for years. Everyone will handle it differently.

A question I am often asked is "Is there a good way?"

With every event that occurs there is both a positive and a negative side. People are conditioned to focus on the negative. They focus on what they are missing, what is not there and how they will come out of something worse off. The positive person focuses on what they do have, what is going right and how they can make the best of what they have.

When someone dies, it is natural to focus on what you don't have, how this person is no longer here and what you are missing. Focusing on this will produce more of the same. And where is this going to get you? Emotionally further down.

Instead of grieving "the loss of ...", think about celebrating "the life of ...". Think of:

• all the good times you have had together.

• the special times you have had and things you have done together.

• how lucky you have been to have had this person in your life.

• what they have taught you and how better off you are for this wisdom.

Accept they have passed away. You cannot physically bring them back. You can mentally. They will always be in that photo album in your head. How do you want to remember them?

To take this a step further, imagine for a moment you have died. As you look down on your loved ones, what do you want them doing and thinking? Do you want them (i) grieving or (ii) moving forward?

How would you like to be remembered - for (i) passing over and leaving them, or (ii) the great times you had together?

Just as the (ii) answers are the best for what you would want for those you left behind, it is what those who have passed would like you to do.

Remembering those you love for the good times, empowers you. And isn't this what they would want?

If you would like any help in this area, please feel free to contact us.