When a Loved One Dies

In the last newsletter, I covered the choices you have when some thing goes wrong. You can either:

1. Change the event, or
   
2. Change your attitude to the event.

While this may be easy for some events, it is more difficult for others. One of the hardest things to deal with is the death of a loved one. This may be a family member, a friend, a famous person or it may be a pet (many people get very attached to them).

Death is something that affects every person. The loss of a loved one one can leave people feeling devastated and depressed. They can have disbelief and denial that their friend has died. This is often followed by anger and eventually acceptance. Some grieve for months while others grieve for years. Everyone will handle it differently.

A question I am often asked is "Is there a good way?"

With every event that occurs there is both a positive and a negative side. People are conditioned to focus on the negative. They focus on what they are missing, what is not there and how they will come out of something worse off. The positive person focuses on what they do have, what is going right and how they can make the best of what they have.

When someone dies, it is natural to focus on what you don't have, how this person is no longer here and what you are missing. Focusing on this will produce more of the same. And where is this going to get you? Emotionally further down.

Instead of grieving "the loss of ...", think about celebrating "the life of ...". Think of:

• all the good times you have had together.

• the special times you have had and things you have done together.

• how lucky you have been to have had this person in your life.

• what they have taught you and how better off you are for this wisdom.

Accept they have passed away. You cannot physically bring them back. You can mentally. They will always be in that photo album in your head. How do you want to remember them?

To take this a step further, imagine for a moment you have died. As you look down on your loved ones, what do you want them doing and thinking? Do you want them (i) grieving or (ii) moving forward?

How would you like to be remembered - for (i) passing over and leaving them, or (ii) the great times you had together?

Just as the (ii) answers are the best for what you would want for those you left behind, it is what those who have passed would like you to do.

Remembering those you love for the good times, empowers you. And isn't this what they would want?

If you would like any help in this area, please feel free to contact us.