That's Not How I See It!

We all see things differently.

What's right for one is not necessarily right for another.

I was consulting with an 18 year old man to help him overcome a relationship problem. After discussing past relationships, he made a comment:

"I would like you to know I am currently in a long term relationship."

How would you define ‘long-term'?

I thought to myself "An 18 years olds definition of ‘long-term' will be interesting". So I asked:

"Can you please define ‘long-term' for me?"

He replied "Three months".

That certainly gave me another perspective. To him, 3 months was a long time to be in relationship - which, interestingly, defines his outlook on relationships.

Other examples of perception:

(a) Someone you are speaking to on the phone says "I have to go. I will ring you back shortly".

Define ‘shortly'.

When this recently happened to me, it took the caller 24 hours to call me back.

That is not my definition of ‘shortly'.



(b) "This won't take long".

How many minutes is long?

A friend was helping me out. They said they had to do another job ‘that won't take long' and then they'll be back to help. They were gone for 6 hours!



(c) "This is a big function".

How big is ‘big'?

A person hiring me to speak at their conference made this comment. When asked to define ‘big', they responded "Thirty six people".

That is not what I would call 'big'.



(d) "I'm an A-Grade tennis player".

I was once told this by a friend. When we played a game I had trouble defining what A-Grade was or how she had come to this conclusion as I rated her more like C-Grade.

Maybe she played in a small country town where she was one of the better players and she did play A-Grade!



(e) "That item cost me a lot of money".

How much is ‘a lot'?

When asked to define it, the person said "$37".

While this may be a lot of money to some, it is pittance to others.



(f) "I'll be home early".

This was said by a teenager.

How would you define 'early'?

He arrived home at 4:40am stating he was home early!



Ok. I'm sure you now get the picture.

I'm interested in your feedback. Please go to our blog and leave some examples you have of perception. When you arrive on the page, scroll to the bottom and fill in the relevant details.



Getting Perception Right

All too often we take what people say to be the truth.

It is the truth. It is their truth. Our truth can be totally different.

As everyone perceives things differently, it is important to gain a definition of their perception. This creates clarity in your mind.

For example, in the case of "I have to go. I will ring you back shortly", I ask the person to define ‘shortly' so I can plan what I do. I may also enquire "If I haven't heard from you by (this time), are you happy for me to give you a call?"

With the teenager, you may definitely like to know a time so you are not waiting up!

We know when we get it wrong because we say "I thought you meant ... ".