How to Make Your Relationship "Magical"

In my last newsletter, I covered how many people get into a relationship for the wrong reasons - read it here - and how there is a big difference between loving and needing someone.

When you "need" someone, you have to have a person in your life to meet a particular need. The need being met takes preference over the person. That is, the need being met is more important than the person meeting the need.

For example, the person who hates being lonely or feeling rejected will readily accept a person who shows interest in them as this other person will "fix" the problem. Well, for a while anyway.

It is important to be in a relationship with a person because of who the person is, not because they are a meal ticket or make you look good in front of your friends.

In the Jerry Maguire movie (with Tom Cruise), the "You complete me" is total nonsense. Nobody else completes who you are. You complete who you are.

This is the key to you being a great person and to you enjoying a "magical" relationship. To make yourself "whole", you work on yourself (to become the best person you can) and overcome your insecurities. This has two benefits:

First, you sort yourself out before entering a relationship - and especially if you have come out of a bad one or a bad break-up. It's futile taking baggage into the next one.

Second, it is important to give unconditional love. Unconditional love means "giving love without expecting or needing any in return".

This means you have to be so full of love for who you are as a person (not in an egotistical way but in a "real" way) that you don't need someone to love you.

As the old saying goes "You can only give what you have got". If you don't have it for yourself, you are unable to give it. It's like money. If you are the manufacturer of it, you can continue to give it without needing it back. When you give, you simply make some more to replace it.

When you are not the maker but the earner of money, you can only give what you have. If you don't have it, you can't give it.

While many say they have heaps of love to give, it is "Conditional" as they give it with the hope someone will give it back to them.

The number one person you need to have a relationship with, is - yourself. The greater this relationship, the greater will be your relationship with another person.

As an exercise, make a list of the reasons why you are loveable - or why you are a great person?

How many points do you have?

I suggest if there is less than 20, you have some work to do.

If you would like to see what makes a great a relationship and how yours stands up, please feel free to complete my Relationship Questionnaire.

If you would like any help in this area, please feel free to contact us or read "Creating A Magical Relationship".