Who Wins an Argument?

It is something that everyone does, whether it is with their children, in a relationship or at work. The problem is, arguments often become heated and can have devastating results.

What starts out as a discussion can quickly lead to a heated argument, which can then get physical. When the emotions are running, one or both people can say or do things in the heat of the moment they may regret for a very long time.

And when you argue with someone, who wins?

The answer is "No-one", "the loudest" or "the strongest".

I've seldom seen two people walk away from an argument happy.

Think of the times when you argue. What is the result? And what effect does this have on both yourself and the person you are arguing with?

When an argument starts, there are a number of things that can happen:
(i) both people have to win. This will lead to a full-on confrontation.
(ii) one has to win while the other gives in. The person giving in often does so to avoid confrontation and will feel resentful and/or hurt for not being heard.

So, if arguing is so bad ...

Why Do People Argue?

Arguments occur when two or more people hold different opinions and they both hold the belief they are right and the other person is wrong.

When you argue, you:

(i) Defend what you know. While you are doing this you are not listening to what the other person is saying.

(ii) Are trying to prove you are right and the other person is wrong.

(iii) Are selfish. First, you are saying you are right and the other person is wrong (win/lose). Second, you are trying to change the other person into believing what you believe. In both of these, you are only considering yourself!

One of the biggest needs people have is the need to be right. When you are right, not only do you feel good, you unconsciously think others will also feel good about you.

When Two People Hold Different Opinions, Who is Right?

They both are. You only have to ask them - separately, of course! Each will say they are right for what they believe and the reasons why.

When someone has a different opinion to you, accept they are right for themselves.

Accept their opinion is not your opinion.

It often pays to gain an understanding on why they think the way they do. To gain this understanding, ask them questions like "That's a good point. Can I ask why you think this is right?", " ... why you think this is better than that?" Find out why they think the way they do.

Attempting to convince them to change may not work (as they think they are right). To get them to see another perspective, ask questions like "Do you think ... (this) ... could work or is a possibility?" By asking the right questions, you get them to discover there could be another solution. If they come up with the answer (as against you telling them), they feel good and you will feel good.

If you ask a question like "Could ... (this) ... be a possibility?" and they emphatically say "No", there is a good chance they are stuck with what they think and are not prepared to look beyond that. Accept this and be prepared to move on by changing the topic of conversation.

A great trait to have is one where you can allow others to have their point of view without the need to change them.

If you would like to learn how to avoid confrontation in a positive way, please give us a call.

We would love to know your thoughts.