Gaining Confidence

One of the most common requests I receive is "Can you please help me to have more confidence?"

Confidence is a great trait to have as it allows you to feel happy and in control in nearly every situation.

In order to gain confidence, it is important to identify how much you currently have. Out of 10 (with 10 being the max), how would you rate your confidence?

If you had to walk into a room full of people you don't know, could you make conversation with confidence or would you feel shy and intimidated?

If you had to give a talk at a wedding or a function, could you do it with confidence or would you suffer from nerves and anxiety?

If you were demonstrating how a product works to a group of people and something went wrong, would you feel confident or would you feel embarrassed and a failure?

If you are single, could you approach someone and ask them out on a date or would fear prevail?

Most people feel insecure when they have to perform a specific task or when things go wrong. Their confidence drops.

If you feel this way, let's fix it ...

What Is Confidence?

Confidence is to "Know", "to be certain".

You feel confident reciting the 5 times table as you know it. You feel confident doing your work, as you know how to do it (or you should!).

You will not feel confident doing a task if you have no idea on how to do it.

There are Two Types of Confidence

I divide confidence into two parts:

1. The Confidence to "DO"

This is the confidence to perform a task - like to do your work, speak at a function or ask someone out on a date.

Most people have this type of confidence because they know what they are doing and they stick to what is comfortable for them.

2. The Confidence to "BE"

This is the most important form of confidence as it relates to you the person. This form also determines how confident you feel to perform a task.

The confidence to BE means to know yourself - intimately and specifically.

So, what are your good points? What are the traits that make you a good person?

In my last newsletter, you will have downloaded the pdf and ticked off your traits. If you didn't receive it, download the pdf from here. This shows you are a "great" person who has much to offer.

Through having so many great traits, you are now equal to others.

Through knowing you are a great person:

• You can walk into a room full of people and converse with anyone.
  

• You can ask that special person out on a date because you know you have lots to offer them.
  

• You speak at a function because you know you have a lot to offer with your wisdom.
  

• You can make a mistake demonstrating a product and laugh because you know the mistake does not detract from whom you really are.

You are able to separate who you really are from the results you achieve.

This is important.

The results you achieve bear no relationship to you the person. For example, if you come last in a race, you are still the same person. You still have the same great traits.

Once you know this, it no longer matters what others say about you as you know the truth. You know who you really are.

In the words of Anthony Robbins:

"The identity we hold for ourselves controls our successes and failures, and impacts every area of our lives."

Create your own identity and become the best person you can possibly be.

Good luck.

Become a Great Person

At the end of my last newsletter, I asked you to:

Define what a "good person", a "good worker" or a "kind person" is.

What are their traits? Be very specific.

How did you go? Did you do it?

How many traits did you come up with?

It's interesting how most people can only identify 3 or 4 good traits. However, when asked to list the good points their partner has or a close family member, they generally come up with around 7 points.

This indicates they know their partner/family member better than they know themselves.

Not knowing yourself means you do not like yourself.

How can you like yourself if you don't know what your good points are?

You can't.

Not liking or loving yourself means you need someone else to like/love you for you to feel good. The more you depend on another to like/love you, the more control you give them.

Some people even say "I hate myself".

Think of the consequences of this statement.

Think of how you would feel and the things you would do to feel loved and accepted.

As everyone wants to feel loved, if it isn't coming from within you, it needs to come from another person.

And, as the old saying goes, "You can't love another until you love yourself".

This is why it is important to fall in love with the person you are. To do this, it is important to like the person you are. To do this, you have to know who you are. To do this, you must know your good points and like them.

Pretty simple, really, isn't it!!

So, how do you know yourself?

I have created a pdf with many of the traits of a great person. You can download it from here.

I suggest you go through it and tick the traits you have.

If I have missed some out, please add them (and let me know so I can update the list).

If some are not applicable or you don't think they should be on the list, ignore them (and let me know).

This is a guide only to help you.

This list is also good to identify what type of person you would like to be. If you had to create a "great" person, what traits would he or she have? As soon as you identify who you would like to be, you simply need to put these traits into your life and you become that person.

If there are traits on the list that you don't have, and would like to have, work on the desired traits so they become a part of your life.

And then look out for the new you!

Good luck.