Do You Have a Glass Jaw?

I was skipping through the TV channels during an ad break on Thursday night (as men do) when I came across a radio broadcaster (Alan Jones) being interviewed on a football show about a racial comment one coach had made about an opposition player three weeks previous.

While discussing the incident, Alan also commented how another player (from another code of football) was also in trouble with their league for calling an opposition player ‘a dribbler'. Alan said he wasn't sure what a dribbler was and it's not a term I have heard - although I can guess it's meaning.

In concluding, Alan commented how we are becoming a glass jaw society.

And I have to agree.

When someone says we have a ‘glass jaw', it means our jaw is so fragile (made of glass) it only has to be touched or hit and it smashes. In other words, we are so insecure, if someone says something about us we don't like or is not 100% politically correct, we emotionally fall to pieces.

We are fast becoming an emotionally insecure society.

There are more and more laws to protect us from physical and emotional harm.

And the more protecting we need, the more insecure we become. We then become dependent on others at all times to do the right things by us for us to feel happy and secure.

It's like putting a child in cotton wool, or, as someone once said (I think it was Friedrich Nietzsche) "That which does not kill us makes us stronger".


So, what's the Solution?

The key is to feel totally secure.

To do this, we have to be totally happy with who we are and what we believe.

When we achieve this, the negatives that others say are like water off a duck's back. We are able to simply let them go.

Let me give you an example.

I was speaking at a seminar on self worth. The attendees were all from one ethnic culture. During lunch, four of the attendees began telling anti-white jokes - obviously not worried as to whether I heard them or not.

clive, what would you have done?

Would you have felt hurt?

Would you have reacted?

Would you berate them?

Would you emotionally put them down - for example, by telling a joke about their culture?

I simply let it go.

I knew, what they were saying was not a reflection on me.

It was a reflection on them.

It was a reflection on what they thought about themselves and life.

Other people do not define you. You do.

The problem is, most people have no idea as to who they are, so they let others define them.

You define who you are.

Once you define yourself, you then have the power to agree or disagree with what others say about you, your race and your religion.

What does the emotionally secure person have to prove?

Nothing.

They already know what their truth is.

If someone calls me ‘lazy', I know they are not speaking about me as I know I am not lazy. People will defend ‘lazy' when they fear being that way or fear being seen that way and they do not like it.

The irony is, once you feel emotionally secure, you no longer have the need to degrade another. You are committed to respecting and helping others.

Then, when you are called a degrading name, you shrug it off and move on, knowing (i) the degrading name is not who you are, and (ii) they have just defined who they are.

Back to the coach. While he said the wrong thing once, the media (and those listening and watching) have talked about it every day for three weeks. That means, the coach said it once yet the listener/reader has had them do the wrong thing 21 times (once a day for 21 days).

This is the multiplier effect and it's easy to let your brain become filled with negative information - which, in turn, makes you feel negative.

Maybe we should be teaching people how to feel emotionally secure rather than spending weeks, months and years complaining about how others treat us.

What's One of the Best Traits To Possess?

Let me explain this through using some examples.

Penny found out her husband was having an affair and he wanted to leave her for this other woman. She was devastated.

What's the real cause of her feeling devastated?

Jim was angry. He had been working on a project his client had requested for two weeks and now his client refused to purchase it.

What's the real cause of his anger?

While you may say "Rejection" for Penny and "Anger" or "not feeling in control" for Jim, you are partially right.

From working with many thousands of clients for over 22 years, I have come to the conclusion nearly every problem we experience comes back to one thing:

A lack of self-belief.

This also means a lack of self-love, self worth and self-esteem.

Other every day examples include:

The bully lacks self-esteem - that's why he/she has to control and put another down.

The victim lacks self-esteem - he/she reacts to the bully and sees themselves as the victim.

The stubborn person lacks self-esteem - things have to work out their way for them to feel good. If they don't work out, they feel emotionally down.

The person who fails to stand up for themselves (including the ‘people pleaser') lacks self-esteem.

There's an Old Saying

"You can only give what you have got".

Most people say they have a lot to give - and they have, so long as they receive it first.

If you are not happy, you need something or someone to make you happy. Once you have the happiness, you are free to give it.

This also applies to love. People feel loved when someone loves them. When they feel this love, they are then able to give it.

However, if the person stops loving them, they feel rejected.

Here's the Solution

You can only give the love you have for you.

When you feel totally loved by you, you now have a lot to give - and importantly, you can now give it unconditionally.

Unconditional love means giving without wanting or needing anything back in return.

When you are self-fulfilled, you have all the love you need so anything you receive from another is a bonus. While you don't need it, it is great to have.

Penny now realizes her ex-husband has not taken all the love - she still has love for herself - and, importantly, she sees him leaving as his loss.

Jim is no longer angry as he takes control of how he feels. His happiness was dependent on the client buying, rather than coming from within. He will now learn from what has happened and develop a new way of dealing with clients - sometimes it is important to learn what doesn't work so you can implement what does work!

The bully now no longer has a need to feel inferior as he/she feels good about who they are.

The victim no longer feels the victim for the same reason. They realize it is not their problem and they are still a great person - regardless of what the bully says or does. When people feel insecure, they often have a need to control others in some way.

The stubborn person can go with the flow, as they feel happy regardless of the outcome. The outcome does not determine how they feel; they do.

The person who fails to stand up for themselves does so within their mind. They have to be strong with themselves to process the information in a way that is going to work for them.

How Do You Do This?

Know what your good points are.

If you are unsure on how to do this, "Get To Know Yourself" and "Become a Great Person" are a good read.

When you know what your good points are, and start to love the person you are, you are able to process what is happening in your world in a far better way.

Forever strive to be a better person and to feel self-fulfilled.