They're Not Doing the Right Thing ...

Jay was not happy. While her mother had left the homewares and jewellery to be divided up equally between Jay and her sister, Jay's sister had other ideas. One day, while at her deceased Mother's place, she seized the chance to grab as much jewellery as she could. When questioned, she told others how Jay had ripped their mother off by taking things that weren't hers.

To make matters worse, Jay thought her sister was one of her best friends. It had now developed into sisterly feud. Jay's sister didn't care what Jay thought or said as she had what she wanted.

In consultation, Jay commented: "She is not allowed to do this to me. I'm entitled to half the jewellery. She's not allowed to say the awful things she's been saying".

Another good example is a separated parent that does not want to have contact with their child. While the parent with the child may want the separated partner to be a part of the child's life, the separated partner refuses to have contact. The result is generally a big argument between the two parents.

Should the separated parent have contact? Ideally, yes. If the separated parent decides not to, you have to deal with what is - or try and change it.

Where has someone done something to you or said something about you that you are not happy with?

They may be someone close like a family member or friend. They may be someone you don't even know. They may have degraded you or said something about you that you do not like. They may have done something that affects you.

You may find yourself saying "They are not allowed to say or do that".

The cold hard fact is, whether you like it or not, people are allowed to say and do whatever they like.

While you may have high standards and not purposely do or say something that you know will affect others, it doesn't mean others are going to live by your standards. They will live by their standards. They will do and say what they think is going to work for them and whatever makes them feel good.

You have no control over others. You do have control over what you think and do.

In an ideal world:
(i) Should Jay's sister have taken most of the jewellery? No.

(ii) Should Jay's sister tell others lies about Jay and what had happened? No.

The fact is, she has taken the jewellery and told the lies. Jay has to come to terms with this and deal with it.

All through life, some people are going to do the wrong by you in some way. While you may get angry with what they do or say, there is a good chance this will not change them.

Identify what you do have control over - your thinking and what you say and do. Look at what your options are and select one that is going to work for you and give you peace of mind.

In Jay's case, it is important to identify all the things she can do to get half of her mother's jewellery. If nothing works, she has to go to the next level and change her attitude to the current situation. If she fails to, where will she be in 6 months time, 12 months or 5 years time? She will be bitter and vengeful - and is this state going to work for her or against her?

It is important to deal with what others say or do so you are no longer reacting to them. This puts you back in control.

If you would like any help in this area, please feel free to contact us.

Are You Prepared?

A few years ago, I offered a young couple who were about to get married a copy of my "Creating A Magical Relationship" book. I was offering it with the intention it may provide them with the basics of how to have a long and enjoyable relationship.

I was surprised when they replied "No thanks. We don't need it as we have a great relationship". And I bet you can guess which partner said that!!

Many a client presents for coaching and says "I'm not sure why I am here as I don't think I have the problem any more. While I was feeling devastated because my partner left me, they have come back so things are good". Well, for now anyway!

You are probably asking "What's your point, Clive?"

Prevention is better than cure.

People tend to rate how they are going in life based on whether there are any problems.

If there are no problems - don't mess with it. After all, why fix something if it ain't broken?

People don't worry about eating healthy or exercising until they get sick or have a heart attack. Then they embark on a health program - well, for a while anyway.

Some tend to wait until things go wrong before embarking on a "fix it" program.

A lady who was 30kg overweight, who ate huge amounts of junk food and did no exercise commented she was really surprised she had diabetes! The road back from this becomes long and hard - if she was to attempt it.

Preventation is much easier than fix it. It's much easier to learn how to get the best out of yourself while you are feeling great than when you have emotionally hit rock bottom.

It's much easier to stay healthy than to embark on a health program from sickness or disease.

Let me use the car as an example. Do you service your car when it's required? Do you put the right fuel into it?

Nearly every one does both. Why? They do not want it to break down. If it does, it will cost a lot of money to repair.

So what is more important: your body or your car?

If you answered your "body", are you treating your body better than your car?

You regularly service your car and put the right fuel into it. If your body is more than your car, are you "servicing" your body (getting regular check-ups) and fuelling it correctly?

If you think your car is going to cost a lot of money to fix if it breaks down, wait until you see what it costs to fix your body if it breaks down.

Having said all that, I used to be a "curer". I used to think self development was good for everyone else but I didn't need to do it. My life was fine.

It was only when I ended up in hospital with chest pains because I could not handle being dumped by my girlfriend that I realised there had to be a better way. Getting her back wasn't working so I was forced to make a change. I made a commitment to myself that I never wanted to experience that feeling again and so began my quest to find a fulfilled life.

Now I have an attitude of learn as much as possible so I can enjoy this life to the max.

Is your attitude one of learning how to take control or do you need to go through some emotional trauma before you begin the learning process?

If you would like any help in this area, please feel free to contact us.