For us, on the 2nd, our pet Burnese Mountain dog of 10 years died unexpectedly after a "safe and minor" operation. On the 4th, my brother's wife passed away after a long illness leaving two young children. Three days before school was due to begin, our 8 year old son's 122 year old school was torched and burnt to the ground.
How would you handle all of this?
When people find out what has happened, their first comment is often "You poor things. You must be finding it really hard".
The reason I am writing about this is bad stuff happens to everyone. People die, relationships break up and good things are lost. In the bigger picture, there is a higher cost to goods, interest rates are on the increase and the stock market has crashed.
Most people then begin to focus on the negative - what they are missing, what's going wrong and how they will be worse off. This thinking will only lead to more of the same. A time can be reached where they feel totally "down" and depressed.
When doing this, ask yourself the question, "Is my reaction to my current state empowering me or stressing me? Is it delivering me into a better or worse state?"
The event determines your thinking. Your thinking determines the emotion you feel.
If you are not happy feeling the way you do, recognise it is important to change it.
The way to do this is to ask yourself some key questions:
1. Can I change the event?
Can I change the deaths or the fact that the school has burnt down?
No.
Therefore it is important to accept this as it is.
2. Given my current situation is what it is, what are my options?
(a) I can wallow in what I don't have, what's going wrong and what's missing.
Where will this thinking get me?
(b) I can focus on the positive, what I do have, what is going right. I can make the situation work for me.
With the death of our pet dog, we enlarged our favourite photo and placed it in a prominent position. We remember all the good times. We may even buy a pup to continue the good times.
With the school burning down, we will now get a bigger, well planned and beautiful new school that is designed to meet the current day needs of both teachers and students. Hopefully, many parents will take a more active role in helping the school go forward.
With the death of a loved one, there is much emotion involved and I will cover how to deal with that in the next issue.
You do have the choice in how you process what is happening (or not happening) in your life. You can make an experience work for you or against you.
If you would like some help to deal with an issue, please feel free to enquire as to how we can help.
