Tuesday 20 November 2007

Who Wins an Argument?

It is something that everyone does, whether it is with their children, in a relationship or at work. The problem is, arguments often become heated and can have devastating results.

What starts out as a discussion can quickly lead to a heated argument, which can then get physical. When the emotions are running, one or both people can say or do things in the heat of the moment they may regret for a very long time.

And when you argue with someone, who wins?

The answer is "No-one", "the loudest" or "the strongest".

I've seldom seen two people walk away from an argument happy.

Think of the times when you argue. What is the result? And what effect does this have on both yourself and the person you are arguing with?

When an argument starts, there are a number of things that can happen:
(i) both people have to win. This will lead to a full-on confrontation.
(ii) one has to win while the other gives in. The person giving in often does so to avoid confrontation and will feel resentful and/or hurt for not being heard.

So, if arguing is so bad ...


Why Do People Argue?

Arguments occur when two or more people hold different opinions and they both hold the belief they are right and the other person is wrong.

When you argue, you:

(i) Defend what you know. While you are doing this you are not listening to what the other person is saying.

(ii) Are trying to prove you are right and the other person is wrong.

(iii) Are selfish. First, you are saying you are right and the other person is wrong (win/lose). Second, you are trying to change the other person into believing what you believe. In both of these, you are only considering yourself!


One of the biggest needs people have is the need to be right. When you are right, not only do you feel good, you unconsciously think others will also feel good about you.


When Two People Hold Different Opinions, Who is Right?

They both are. You only have to ask them - separately, of course! Each will say they are right for what they believe and the reasons why.

When someone has a different opinion to you, accept they are right for themselves.

Accept their opinion is not your opinion.

It often pays to gain an understanding on why they think the way they do. To gain this understanding, ask them questions like "That's a good point. Can I ask why you think this is right?", " ... why you think this is better than that?" Find out why they think the way they do.

Attempting to convince them to change may not work (as they think they are right). To get them to see another perspective, ask questions like "Do you think ... (this) ... could work or is a possibility?" By asking the right questions, you get them to discover there could be another solution. If they come up with the answer (as against you telling them), they feel good and you will feel good.

If you ask a question like "Could ... (this) ... be a possibility?" and they emphatically say "No", there is a good chance they are stuck with what they think and are not prepared to look beyond that. Accept this and be prepared to move on by changing the topic of conversation.

A great trait to have is one where you can allow others to have their point of view without the need to change them.

If you would like to learn how to avoid confrontation in a positive way, please give us a call.

We would love to know your thoughts.


Sunday 4 November 2007

Is Your Personality Killing You?

The shocked death of well known Australian John Ilhan (of Crazy John Mobile Phone outlets) at the young age of 42 years has caused many people to look at their life.

John had built a multi million dollar empire, had a young family, was fit and ate healthy food. While he looked after himself physically, he still died at a young age.

While you may eat all the healthy foods and exercise, it is also important to address another important factor - Stress.

There are three personality types:
Type A
Type B
Type C

Take the test to see which one you are

Traits of Type A:
• Often frustrated
• Constantly interrupts others
• Walks and/or talks very quickly
• Impatient, always in a hurry
• Time urgent - aware of lack of time
• Rude / intolerant of others
• Easily upset over small things
• Workaholics
• Always on the go
• Competitive
• Short tempered
• Very high achievers
• Easily upset - especially by others
• Hates making mistakes / being wrong

People who fall into this category have tight muscles, grind their teeth and are unable to relax.

Traits of Type B:
• Relaxed
• Patient
• Not much worries them
• Creative
• Imaginative
• Often self analyzes

Traits of Type C:
• Takes things to heart
• Stews on things
• Internalises everything

The consequences of having a Type A Personality are:
• Hypertension
• Heart disease - a certainty by age 65
• Poor sleepers
• Can over consume alcohol / drugs / cigarettes
• Job stress - generally take on demanding jobs
• Often alienate others
• Focus very little on relationships

Type C is the worst as they are heading at a rapid rate to an early grave as they are a bigger problem than Type A.

Type B is laid back with very little worrying them and tend to live for a long time. They drive Type A nuts - especially in the workplace - which only adds to the Type A's stress levels!

Which one are you - Type A, B or C?

You may be a combination. Some say the best is to be predominantly B with a touch of A.

If you are predominantly A or C, I suggest a change may be worthwhile.

Be committed to constantly improving the person you are and becoming your best.

If you would like to change your personality type, please get in contact with us.